i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
