Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize