my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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