im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize