My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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