Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
