low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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