well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
