I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
