fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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