Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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