My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
