reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
