this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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