i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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