he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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