On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
