I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
