I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
