anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
