like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
