Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
