True but thats because hes a fetus.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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