I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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