I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
