Define "chronic" masturbator.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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