were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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