I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
