I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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