I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
