no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
