someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
