i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
