they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
