I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You were trust falling into bushes
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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