You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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