OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
no, he came in my armpit
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
