If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize