I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
thus making me awesome and them whores
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
