I'm going to jail i love you
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
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I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Verdict: uncircumcised.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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