He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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