I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
