Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Nicole vs. Life
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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