dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
