I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
