Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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