omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
