I met the friendliest cop last night
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
