Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
