question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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