when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize