woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
