When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
