pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
