Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i think my cat just said my name.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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