if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
