i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
