He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
