Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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