she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
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She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
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He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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